I went for a run today!
I think I’d mentioned before that I hadn’t ran since October of 2009,
I checked my running stats and it looks like it’s been more than a year; that run in October was a fluke.
It was one of those acts of desperation that was never to be repeated.

Mon 7 Jun 10 – Evening Run

I started out this evening a little guarded, I felt strange, putting one foot in front of the other, trying to pick up the pace.
It was almost as if I was embarking on a strange ritual.

In the beginning all I could think of was how much I wanted to stop, turn around and go back home.
I felt extremely tired, out of shape and couldn’t think through my laboured breathing.
‘I can’t believe I use to do this nearly every day, and at some point deluded myself into thinking that I actually enjoyed it’
I thought to myself.
I managed to keep going, dragging and toiling through it, it felt like I’d been at it for hours, but it had been just a few minutes.
After a while, I must have gotten used to the torturous feeling because I decided it wasn’t that bad, that maybe I could do this after all.

There’s something about running that I’d missed… that feeling of being alone… with my thoughts.
I’m a loner, and running gives me that loneliness I crave without the weirdness of the feeling of wanting to be alone.
I didn’t have any music or podcasts, it was just me breathing.
By mid-run, I’d settled into a comfortable pace, I didn’t mind that I was moving or the exertion.
There was a melodic rhythm to my pace.
It felt nice, in a way exercises could only feel.
Two and the half miles in, I decided to turn back, the run back was much easier and relaxed.
I was settled, almost back into the swing of things, albeit very slowly.

Outfit Details – Jacket – Aritzia (Kit for Cloth), Striped Shirt – Banana Republic, Pants – Baia (The Bay), Shoes – Nine West

I think a lot when I’m running; I’d sort of forgotten about that, I decided not to let tomorrow into my thoughts.
I’m taking this one day at a time, I ran five miles today and that’s all that matters.
Maybe I’ll run another five miles tomorrow, maybe I’ll run seven miles, and maybe it’ll rain tomorrow.