When I was eleven Raymond gave me a copy of James Collier’s novel My Brother Sam Is Dead.
My mother took one look at the title and demanded that I immediately take the book back from whence it came from, my reluctance to do so was met with a stern reproach; “Is your brother Sam dead?†my perplexed mother asked. Years later she explained that she wasn’t being superstitious she just didn’t want the book around with Sam there, “I want you people to get along†she explained.
I haven’t spoken to my brother in almost half a decade and this worries my mom, so I tell her we’re friends on Facebook but that’s little comfort to her.
Sometimes I wonder if there’re other anomalies like us out there.
Sam and I never had a big fall out, or suddenly realize that we weren’t of the same parents. The truth is Sam and I never really know/knew each other and we’ve never tried. Most of the things I know about him were told to me by other family members. 
I don’t think we’ve actually ever had a real conversation before… and we’re siblings.
Sam was almost eleven years old when I came around and was gone months after my eleventh birthday; of the years that he was around, he was either away at school, evangelizing or trying to parent me.
The only memories I have are of him walking me to school, and being in a play about the slave trade that he had written for my school. And one Christmas, a long time ago he had a party for the children that lived in my grandmother’s neighbourhood.
Last Sunday my mom asked me what Sam had ever done to me; I thought about it for a few seconds and said earnestly for the first time, “Nothing, I just don’t know the guyâ€
This made my mom weep, like she had failed us.
I told her she should have allowed me to keep the book, Sam and I maybe would have started a conversation over it.
4 Comments
This kind of gulf between grown siblings is unfortunately more common than most people know. I live in a similar situation.
My hope for us both is that we find a way to bridge that gap.
17 February, 2008 at 2:43 pmThis kind of gulf between grown siblings is unfortunately more common than most people know. I live in a similar situation.
My hope for us both is that we find a way to bridge that gap.
17 February, 2008 at 6:43 amHi, it is hard when there is wedge between siblings, and dont you sometimes wish you can get it all sorted, get talking again????!!!!!
When you think about it they are a part of you, even if its just a teeny little one, and one could get a bit emotional sometimes when you think about them but you cant reach out to them like you would want, or maybe you dont.
But then again when I think about it, you have dedicated a huge space to your brother, so im assuming a little part of you does yearn for him sometimes. You could break the ice if you want, as he might want to do that but doesnt know how.
Anyway I hope you do what you see best, theres no harm in trying, is there, and what have you got to lose eh?
9 April, 2008 at 1:32 pmHi, it is hard when there is wedge between siblings, and dont you sometimes wish you can get it all sorted, get talking again????!!!!!
When you think about it they are a part of you, even if its just a teeny little one, and one could get a bit emotional sometimes when you think about them but you cant reach out to them like you would want, or maybe you dont.
But then again when I think about it, you have dedicated a huge space to your brother, so im assuming a little part of you does yearn for him sometimes. You could break the ice if you want, as he might want to do that but doesnt know how.
Anyway I hope you do what you see best, theres no harm in trying, is there, and what have you got to lose eh?
9 April, 2008 at 5:32 am