Having my mom here is almost like being in therapy; I’m learning so much about my self and life.

I’ve reconciled myself to the notion that my mother and I aren’t unalike; with our only dissimilarities being time and life choices.

I was thirteen years old the last time I lived under the same roof with my mother for more than a month, life was supposed to be simpler back then. She was responsible for me and I wasn’t supposed to worry, except I worried all the time – my teenage years it seem were spent in despair.

I asked her if she remembered the adolescent years, she had a wry smile that lingered on for a little too long and looked away as if she hadn’t heard the question.

We still don’t talk about certain things. A few nights ago, I went from thinking I knew all our dirty little secrets to finding out yet another appalling thing about my father. But its effect wasn’t just about my father; it was also about my mother and our little dysfunctional clan.

My father’s deeds, which some might even call criminal, wasn’t at all shocking to me. It was however disappointing because it outlined a fray in my parents relationship long before the glorious doom.

Another family member let this slip during a discussion with my mother; it came as quite the revelation to me. I’m not sure what disappointed me the most, what my father did or my mother’s reaction afterwards.

I haven’t been able to get my mom to elaborate on the issue since then, she simply clamped up.

I feel I’m sometimes too hard on her, it feels like I’m constantly questioning her choices or challenging her decisions.

There are those women who’re afraid of turning into their mothers and there are those like me, who wish their mothers had acted a little bit more like them.

We’re all wrong, of course.

My BFF Josie lost her father-in-law recently; obviously it’s a difficult period for the family.

I been thinking about death a lot lately (yes, it’s all about me) because in the past month I’ve had three other news of death;

• A colleague’s sister died suddenly two Fridays ago ;
• A consultant lost her husband to a degenerative disease days ago;
• And a gentleman we knew from Maryland died a few weeks ago.

We were recently discussing the legacies we leave behind when we die. I imagine wisdom, lessons, feats, traditions etc that’ll pass on to our descendants. I wondered if that was enough to want to live an exemplary life or make something of ourselves. Or we could choose to be the cautionary tale.

A couple of years back I went with Josie to her grandmother’s funeral in a mountain town in the eastern region of Ghana. There were throngs and throngs of mourners; people whose lives she’d touched in some way. Many spoke of her courage and incredible life; this inspired me even though I never knew her. Her existence was a reflection on her children and their accomplishments, she left a great legacy.

Today, I think about Josie’s little girl and I’m hopeful, one day she’ll know of the great people that came before her. Their legacies would shape her; she’ll learn from their examples and know their origins.

Pearlsa tells a dream she had after my grandmother died; my grandmother asked her to choose from two eggs, one a Fabergé-like egg and the other a plain brown egg. She obviously chose the nicer looking egg only to find it’s rotten inside, the plain egg on the other hand was fresh inside with a glorious shade of yolk. My grandmother tells her that she went away so that she’d be remembered like the inside of the plain egg rather than the egg that’s rotten on the inside.

I think death in a way inspires us and since it’s inevitable sometimes you just have to regrettably see the good that eventually comes out of it.

I’ve been a little overwhelmed lately; I say a little because it shouldn’t be an issue but getting things to work out right takes planning and some circumstances are out of my control so I wait.

I feel like I’m being pulled at both ends; I’m giddy with anticipation yet getting to the end game is a bit challenging. It’ll be one thing if it were only about patience; it’s about preparation and getting things just right.

In my ideal world life would be without complications, we’d get what we want when we want and no one would hurt.

I’m just glad that in a couple of months, come what may, it’ll all be over. That’s the thing about life and time; fail or succeed, it all comes to pass.

Here’s to life, love, sacrifices, simpler days and understated ironies.

I took the Karma Calculator quiz and apparently I’m a good person. But the quiz just shows that I have a bit of compassion in me. That doesn’t necessarily make me a good person besides who decides who is good and who isn’t? I think when you take out real evil everything else is just shades of gray.

Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day and I’m excited, I’m hoping to get a guest post.

I’ve never been able to hate Valentine’s Day, How can anyone hate a day set aside for love? Even if it’s set up to sell flowers and candies. People in love are happy; I’ll take them over grouches any day.

If you feel a little lonely be extra nice to yourself, and I don’t’ mean send yourself flowers, how about a nice super cute Swedish vibrator from LELO. Tell that guy that got you the box of chocolate and a card that it’s just for him as it is for you.

I spent the best part of my morning chatting with a (new) friend who’s lucky enough to be at 3GSM; he hints that he might send me the LG KE850 when it debuts in Europe later this month. Sometimes I wish strangers would just be generous… without expecting something else back.

I’m planning an European trip this summer, I haven’t decided on the exact dates yet, I’m hoping I’ll be on one of the first Virgin America flights. My maiden trip to the United States was on Virgin Atlantic, it’ll almost be poetic to fly to England on Virgin America. Plus, I just want to experience the inside of those planes.

So if you live in the Land of the Free, please sign their petition. Air travel isn’t what is used to be anymore. Hopefully they’ll up the ante a bit.

I’m just saying that I’ve seen roomier buses with nicer interiors than the last plane I flew in.

Technorati tags: Karma Calculator, Lelo, Nea, 3GSM, LG KE850, LG Prada Phone, Virgin America, Let VA Fly

Growing up, my life and that of those around me was embroiled in so much drama, I imagined my adult life would be rather complicated. I’m amazed at how stress free and uncomplicated my life is right now.

Actually, I’m a little disappointed. I waged and prepared my whole life to battle fate except there isn’t much to fight for.

When I get restless, I sometimes think of shadows, it means it’s either sunny or there’s a light close by.